The Hardware Store

by Neville G. Martin

With a big smile he said, "May I help you".

"Yes, I need a can of flat black spray paint, a 3/8 inch dowel rod, 6 bolts - 1/2 inch by 3 inch, and a 10 inch file".

He proceeded to lead me through the isles where I picked out the paint, the bolts, and the dowel rod. He was back at the cash register ringing up my items. " That will be ".

"Wait a minute" I said " we didn't get the file".

"We don't carry files". "You will have to go to Staples or Office Depot for that".

I said "This is a hardware store isn't it".

"Yes it is, and we do not carry files".

I said, "you don't understand, I need a 10 inch bastard file".

"We do not carry files and I do not appreciate your language".

Not to give up easy, I asked, "Where are your axes"?

When we arrived at the axes, I said, " I need something to sharpen one of these".

He then lead me to the sharpening stones.

Next to the stones were the files. I found the drawer I needed and asked what these things were called.

He read the label and sheepishly said, "These are 10 inch bastard files".

"No kidding", I said.